To become your best self, being intentional in your decision making requires mindfulness and being “awake” to your life. Too often we operate on autopilot. Living a life of intention does not always mean you know which direction you should go, or have all the answers. But it does require of us an awareness of what is holding us back from being authentic to ourselves and becoming our best self.
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What factors create barriers to becoming our best self? Setting the intention to be more authentic in your life is truly the first step. So asking the question, “Is this my best life?” puts you on the right path. As a licensed mental health counselor, I see the patterns of shame, avoidance, anxiety all acting as barriers to moving forward.
Most significantly however is fear. Fear of failure, of being vulnerable, of lending credence to that voice inside that says you can’t do it. Beginning the journey to your best self is showing a light on all these dark feelings. These TED talks are inspiration of those already on that journey and bringing their insights to you!
The Power of Vulnerability- Brene` Brown
Brene` Brown’s TED talk on vulnerability currently has over 40 million views on YouTube! Evidence she must be on to something that resonates with so many! The power in her voice comes from her mixture of humor and truth. She shines a light on the difficult barriers to being our best selves, fear of vulnerability and shame. Without risking these in our lives, we risk not becoming our true self. Not taking a chance on a relationship, or taking that job, saying yes, writing that book. We limit the possibility of joy and creativity in our life.
The take away is to cease the practice of numbing ourselves against pain, vulnerability, and shame…as those are necessary to feel alive. Taking the risk to be true to ourselves will undoubtedly bring some pain, but is it greater than the pain resultant from reaching the end of your life and realizing you did not live the life you wanted?
Reflection Points
- “We live in a vulnerable world. And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.”
- ”You can’t numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness.”
- “Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it’s also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.”
How To Stop Screwing Yourself Over- Mel Robbins
How do you invoke change in your life? If you have ever tried to make any changes, you were most likely confronted with barriers and difficulty in making the change stick. Mel Robbins offers a simple (not easy) approach to making change happen, the 5 second rule. The “activation energy” required to begin a behavior must happen within 5 seconds, or our brain will talk us out of it.
This approach offers easy solutions to challenging procrastination and the negative internal narrative that so often prevents us from making change happen. Knowing that if you don’t act immediately the motivation will be lost creates urgency to respond.
Robbins also discusses the statistic that chances that each of us is born is one in 400 trillion! The statistic is a sobering point that our life is a blessing. So why is each day not living our best life? Why let the burdens of life overshadow the potential greatness in each of us?! Awaken to the gift that the present day is and live your best life!
Reflection Points
- “I think when you feel stuck or dissatisfied in your life, it’s a signal. And it’s not a signal that your life is broken. It’s a signal that one of your most basic needs are not being met…”
- “And your soul needs exploration and growth. And the only way you’ll get it is by forcing yourself to be uncomfortable. Forcing yourself to get outside, out of your head.”
- “And if you listen to how you feel, when it comes to what you want – you will not get it. Because you will never feel like it.”
The Art of Being Yourself- Caroline McHugh
Caroline McHugh offers a mindful TED talk that requires introspection. First, her Scottish accent alone makes this a great talk to listen to. She however, offers insightful questions that invite pondering about what your life’s meaning is.
McHugh identifies that we live on an autopilot frame of functioning and what forces change are often catastrophic tragedy in our lives, as she calls them “intervals of possibility.” Illness or disaster calls upon us to reflect upon our lives and make changes, realizing that we have only this one finite life. Instead, she encourages you to look at your life when you are at your best, when things are going well. When we have a day where we feel on top of the world, we can make the best choices about the direction of our lives.
This is a unique perspective on personal growth and change and quite the opposite of how we often approach our lives. So, I ask, as McHugh does of the TED talk audience…“If you could be the woman of your dreams, who would you be?”
Reflection Points
- “So what I want you to think about is not what your life expectancy is, but what do you expect from life?”
- “My life. My life is my message.” – Quoting Ghandi
- “When you think about your identity, when you think about what it means to be alive, when you think about why you deserve to exist, you’re not your thoughts because you think them. And you can’t be your feelings, because otherwise who’s the you that feels them? You’re not what you have, you’re not what you do, you’re not even who you love, or who loves you.”
Beautiful Minds Are Free From Fear- Robert E. Grant
This amusing TED talk offers advice on how to overcome fear. Fear kills dreams, prevents creativity, promotes those internal demons we fight back against. How much of what we don’t do in life is a direct result of listening to that narrative of fear? Grant offers two solutions, gratitude and intention.
Gratitude, even in the face of failure or disappointment can be a challenge. Journaling can be a formidable weapon against letting the negative narrative to win. Exploring both our thoughts and feelings about a life event, however then reframing it to allow in gratitude can be a powerful exercise.
Intention. An easy concept, difficult to put into practice. Grant offers a story of professional failure and he responded through setting a positive intention to cope with that failure. He states that “Everything that happens to you in your life can either be the best thing that ever happened to you or the worst. It’s about your perception of that.” Setting intention to get up early or stop eating dessert can result in positive changes, however setting intention to approach significant setbacks with positive intention can be life changing. Intention and gratitude are essential to become your best self.
Reflection Points
- “In life we don’t get what we deserve, we get what we expect.”
- There are two ways to overcome fear in life: gratitude and to be intentional in your decisions.
- “Our perception drives reality.”
Setting an intention to explore your life with more mindful awareness is the first step to become your best self. Arming yourself with daily motivation and encouragement will help you on your journey. Choose a mantra daily to support the intention you set for yourself each day. Repeat it often. Hang it on your bathroom mirror. The first step is today.
Wander well….